Okay, Cupid
by nlizzette7
Summary: "Blair is lethal, in more ways than one." / One-shot inspired by the limo ride to Kiss On the Lips in episode 1. / CB


**A/N: **I do not know what happened on the way to _Kiss On the Lips _in episode one, but I imagine that it went a little like this.

* * *

**Okay, Cupid. **

_Once upon a time, I spied on you._

_Bud light lime in my hand and I stand over there, _

_And listen to your little lies about your cool life. _

_You say she will be your wife, but I am._

**- Okay Cupid by Kitty Pryde **

At the moment, Blair Waldorf smells like peonies and his favorite rose champagne.

_Chuck notices this first._

At the moment, she's sitting closer to him than she is to Nate.

_He notices that, too._

She's probably drunk, and he's so consistently intoxicated that he barely notices anything but the way her elbow presses just slightly into his thigh when she leans over to clink glasses with Kati, leans over in her little black dress, brushes her curls over his shoulder so purposefully that Chuck wonders if she's fucking with him.

_She could be fucking with him_, he realizes, he shrugs, he takes a shot and presses his leg into hers to bite back. This _is _Blair Waldorf. This is the girl who's been calling him up for subtle schemes since elementary school, the girl who can kill with merely a dissatisfied glance, the girl who he once walked in on as she was tightening a vixen-red corset underneath her saintly Constance uniform. (She slapped him twice that day: once when he walked in, again when he stayed to watch).

But these people don't even know the devilish streak waiting behind porcelain skin and ruby lips. They don't even see her slip gin into her fruity drinks and toy with the lace of her garters when she's bored and frustrated with her solitude. But Chuck is observant. And he enjoys it. He enjoys her.

Blair takes a drink now, and he's certain of her inebriated state when the usually prim and proper _Blair Cornelia_ falters to a sloppier, tipsier _B_. She spills thousand-dollar alcohol on the floor of his limo, glances at Nate with a giggling little "oops", and attempts to pour it again. Usually, Chuck does not tolerate this from the tottering bimbos who filter in and out of his leather-embedded chariot. But somehow, her laughter is infectious. It is still calculated, his is still forced, but the two find it so fucking funny that they cannot stop.

Nate smokes weed, and Chuck smirks when Blair frowns, ever disappointed when the characters of her prestigious fairytale do not follow the script. He leans his head much too closely to her bare skin and offers her the blunt, to which she throws a suddenly sober fit and slaps his hand away. But Chuck blows smoke along her poised back anyway, just to make her shiver - just to show her how good he is with his tongue. (He's convinced that she appreciates this much more than she lets on).

And then the conversation turns to other things, drunken friends reminiscing on memories that should remain unburied. (But liquor never did stir well with secrets). Someone mentions Georgina - probably Kati, probably Iz - because Blair hates the bitch too much to waste her breath, because Nate is clueless enough when he's sober. Regardless, there is a collective groan across the cramped space.

There is Blair smirking, "God, Bass. Didn't you lose your long-forgotten virtue to that basket case?"

"I prefer not to dwell on my sexual escapades with the mentally deranged," Chuck drawls. He scowls, remembers the fetishes that make him nauseous now, the psychotic murmurings that have quite possibly scarred him for life. "Shoot me now." And Blair does. She lifts her lips, lifts two fingers into an invisible revolver and presses them to his temple, mouths a seductive _"pow."_ She's lethal, in more ways than one, but watching her in that tight dress makes him realize that it wouldn't be such a bad way to go.

And while Kati throws herself at a red-eyed Nathaniel, Chuck decides to toy with Blair, wraps his own scarf around his neck as a noose of Armani, smirks at her laughter. It's the kind of laugh a person shares with one who they've known their entire life - comfortable and mocking, easy and crisp.

"You're _not_ wearing this to my party," Blair murmurs, teases, pulls the scarf away until it slips across his shoulder. And he doesn't let anyone touch it, not the scarf, not his prized possession, not ever. But Blair does, and his gaze drops to the floor, almost shy in his own dastardly way.

And he explains, "This, Waldorf, is my signature." He raises his glass, takes another sip. "I don't go around yanking off your precious headbands, now do I?"

"Because I'd have your head," Blair retorts with a little eye roll. A sharp turn and Kati's cutting chuckle startles them both, sends Chuck a little closer on the bench. But Blair does not shy away, neither of them ever does.

His voice drops a little lower when he says, "Phrase that differently, and we'd be discussing something else entirely."

Blair's eyes narrow, scan his sharp features, lips twitching in minor amusement until she has another swallow of champagne to kill the reaction. "That's _never_ going to happen."

He feels angry, but he doesn't understand why, doesn't know that they're already trapping themselves into a game that neither one will ever truly want to untangle from. He leaves Blair to watch as he puffs a joint from Kati's fingertips, pretends to be amused by her amateur tricks, kisses the girl's palm, mouth open against her wrist, tongue reaching skin as Blair - Chuck's features slant when he observes the counter to his little move - Blair yanks Nate forward, aggressive and tastefully desperate in her pursuit of a kiss. It's raunchier than she would normally allow the golden boy, and Nate accepts just as an eager puppy would.

Chuck is suddenly vengefully deliberate when he falls between their two drunken friends, schmoozes Blair's minions to an extent he rarely bothers to reach. But the queen does not react, just echoes her boyfriend's amusement, just wraps armor around her dainty exterior as if it were a fur coat.

(But when she thinks that no one is looking, when Nate is too stoned to care, when the girls are beyond consciousness, Blair pours the rest of her drink along the hem of Kati's gown).

_Chuck notices that, too._

_Fin._


End file.
